Ugly cry faces are the best

Is it me or does it seem like everyone around me is either getting married or having babies? Obviously using the word everyone is somewhat of an exaggeration, but you get the point. A lot of people. More than I am comfortable with. And not only that, but I feel like every one of my social media sites just shoves it in my face as soon as I log on. Like oh, you were feeling ok about where your life is right now?

WELL WHY ARE YOU NOT MARRIED TO THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE WITH A GREAT CAREER AND BEAUTIFUL BABIES LIKE OTHER PEOPLE YOUR AGE?!

 I don't know, Facebook. I'm sorry, I'll try harder.  

I get a punch to the uterus every time I log on, and it's starting to get old. So, in true passive aggressive form, every time I see a picture posted of someone's baby human, I post a picture of my dog. TAKE THAT YOU HAPPY PERSON! You have to actually take care of your little mammal, where as I get to just feed mine and let her run around in all of her super ADD glory. I don't have to deal with my dog eventually talking back or throwing a fit or saying cute things or loving me until I die of old age or getting into a good college to take care of me when they start making their own money or being the best thing to ever happen to me or--- OH GOD I'M CRYING! 

It's ok, Dawson. I'm an ugly crier too. Also, Joey should have totes picked you. 

All these people are in love and have pretty families and I am single and have a dog. Who wins? That's right. You guessed it. I DO. But, Devin, what about what just happened? What about the ugly cry face?! you ask, appalled that you have been duped by my crocodile tears. It's true, I sometimes feel super jelli of people who are all settled down with families and white picket fences. That is not a lie, dear reader, so do not feel so bad about yourself for falling for my tricksy ways. BUT. I can go out tonight after work and get rip roarin drunk if I wanted to and you know what? No one can say a damn thing about it. As long as I am at work at 8 am tomorrow, because, you know... I have rent to pay and whatnot, I can do whatever the hell I want. I don't have a family to answer to, I don't have lives that I am responsible for. I can pretty much do whatever I want, whenever I want (also, again, with the exception of between the hours of 8 am and  5 pm because I'm not that much of a rebel). Tonight, If I wanted to, I could go to a playground and throw rocks at small children. And you know who would be mad about it? 

well.... I was going to say no one, but the more I think about it that is probably untrue. Parents and authority figures probably wouldn't be too pleased about that one. Also, I'm pretty sure that throwing rocks at people is a form of punishment/death in the Middle East. 

uhhhhhh....

Yeah you're right, that was probably a bad example. Like, maybe the worst possible example. But I feel like we are adults here and you probably get where I was going with that. I'm off track- what was I talking about? 

Right. Families and all that nonsense. The point is, that I have a certain amount of freedom that people who are tied down don't have, and I really appreciate it. Thanks for the freedom, America. I'm making good use out of it by NOT being married or a mother. 

To be clear, I am not bashing my friends that are married or have babies because from the earlier ugly cry incident, it is clear that some part of me is actually pretty jealous of that great lifestyle. I'm just pointing out that I also happen to like being extremely selfish, single, and irresponsible. So, I'm just going to keep doing that. I'm gonna ride this B til it breaks down! 

Alone. 

Totally, completely, alone.

But, for real...

I'm fine with it.

I DON'T EVEN CARE.

Seriously, though. 

Completely fine. 

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eeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh